saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
