I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
