We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
When did angry sex become our thing?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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