I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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