where am i from again
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
