You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
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Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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