About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
