It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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