we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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