I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She's the barista slut.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have feelings that need drinking.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
