somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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