Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
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He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
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We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You had me at "let me see your balls"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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