this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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