Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
