just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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