So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
