i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
