Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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