I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
