phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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