Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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