If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
