We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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