i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
