dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
