yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
