God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
