I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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