Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
