I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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