kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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