there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
