You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
either way he was missing a nipple.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
