it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
