I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
