My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
