Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
