i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
