Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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