I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
