Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
