I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
