belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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