I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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