The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
