i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
