i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Drake has all the answers
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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