She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
