so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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