He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
