i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
