dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Semen is not good for contacts.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
