JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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