i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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