Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
