After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
