im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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