Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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