I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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