Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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