he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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