Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
