I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
