also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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