I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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