Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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