We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
