If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
