She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
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Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
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I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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