you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
