What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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