Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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