JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
