i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
