I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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