awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
