Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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