I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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